Trust God alone, and relax.
An update to previous post.
Trust God alone, and relax.
An update to previous post.
If God is for us, no one can stand between us and what we need, and if He is against us, everyone stands between us and what we need, except possibly you and me.
Well, it’s a personal note, just spilling my thoughts here to organise it.Read more
I’ve got the joy joy joy joy
Joy in my heart, Joy in my heart, Joy in my heart
I’ve got the Joy of Jesus in my heart!
I’ve got the little bittle tittle little bunny in my heart
Bunny in my heart, bunny in my heart
I’ve got the little bittle tittle little bunny in my heart!
I’ve got the bunny of Jesus in my heart!Well, me.
Who else will write such absurdity?Read more
The bird, a nest;
The spider, a web;
Man, friendship.William blake
“What do you mean by discrimination?”
They were a bit surprised when they heard me start with this line instead of the Fundamental Lemma I promised to teach them today – quickly recovering, they said, “to see you differently”.Read more
This is a part of the letter a student of mine wrote me – a whole two page letter written by someone who’s put in a lot of effort to write in a language he doesn’t know – meant a lot to me!
Dear Friend, who wrote me the two page letter in Malayalam – with the magical hand that weaves poems in Tamil,
You’ve been winning all this way, in each second of extra effort you put in, for your willingness to believe and work hard to explore your full potential.
To all those whom I did not reply to – thank you for those personal wishes! Means a lot! I’m sorry, I will reply eventually – just had a very long day!
Thing is, I ask myself everyday evening: write blog, watch movie, or study. It’s that I wish to write, keep writing these days. Yesterday’s master plan was to go out, have a cup of tea, come back, and write – either blog or notes for next class. Things were going smooth until bumped into RT on the way and she invited me home for dinner. I just let it go in its flow.
Morning was normal. I woke up, and had an sudden urge to play Sudoku, so started with a puzzle app I installed last night. I did some quality reading, prayed, listen to my all time fav song, until I reached mess – where, the stories of good old days of laziness came running to my mind – only to find myself wondering whether I can skip class (1st hour) sitting in mess at 8:25am – 5 minutes away from the class.
I had a good run from hall mess to department, and from there to sign, and back to class – just a minute late, still I got in. My legs were refusing to walk any fast, for my mind had set the pace for the day already.
During the walk, the question that echoed in my blog over and over again came running to my mind: Must I continue in teaching? Should I quit?
A few minutes into the class, Sunil sir was at the door. He called me out, and I was wondering – he never does that. I excused myself, and he had the news of the day – 34 government vacancies have been sanctioned, and there will be an interview soon.
I have cried for an interview all my life, but this was a little startling. Second I finished the class, guess where I ran to? To this blog.
I think I must revise a bit of analysis, algebra and fix on a topic I wish to teach in the mock setup.
I always admired how skillfully TR handles people whom he’s got to say no to, like trying to convince him to excuse them for coming late for CAs, admission through recommendation etc.
For latecomers to CA, he would invite them in, let them sit, joke, laugh with them, and at last, when they make the final appeal, would just say, “Sorry, I can’t allow you in”. They are not hurt, would already be relieved of their tension, and would walk out with no bitter feeling.
For admissions, he’s more elaborate. He would, in many cases, call other colleges and recommend their name and send them off with some hope. I have seen him talk to them for much longer, sometimes, even leaving his class.
Knowledge is not always power. I saw him play this trick on me today, just to tell me no for PhD. As I feared, he said he wants to wrap up by his retirement, hence not interested in taking in new scholars. Second he started, I knew where he is taking it to, the curse of reading people. But I decided to make the best of the conversation – I explained my breadth and width of reading, thinking and expanse to which my little brain has traveled so far, few of which were trivial for him, yet he appreciated, smiled, kept the discussion alive.
Well, Sunil sir, who was right next to me, offered me to guide, if I am willing to wait for two more years. I politely told him that I wish not to make any hasty decisions now, fact that I am sure my decision might be slightly influenced my overflow of emotions minutes after discussion with TR.
I must say my policy towards praises, comments like “given your potential, don’t settle for anything low, man”, was always to ignore it – to avoid it getting into my head. It has been a constant fight with arrogance listening to such comments since childhood from proud parents of a Cyclopse, who watched their son survive despite their fears and his little challenge.
I respect TR for not excessively praising my abilities before smoothly telling no – he did not comment on my abilities, we talked neutral grounds like possible fields of research that might interest me.
For some reasons, I was not panicking. I was not at the verge of crying, or even worried a little. I stayed calm, except for hunger which distracted me a tiny bit, for I had forgotten about lunch among all these.
What next? Where do I go? Will I get a guide as good as him? Will I get a guide as praying as him? These questions must be worrying me, but unfortunately, they are not. It is God’s doing.
I am sure, in some later point of my life, I would picture this as a next denial, at least not a humiliating one – like last attempt for PhD, I think I have told that story elsewhere in the same blog.
All of a sudden, all my favourites from previous batch are texting me, engaging in conversation. I suspected foul play by Vivek, but they outright deny any temptation from Vivek to talk to me.
And melancholy echoes in my attempt to keep the conversation alive, I wish not to confess to them that I wish we continue our conversation tomorrow!
But it’s joy to talk to them. Hence I am withdrawing from here, will continue writing tomorrow.
Singing off (Slip of fingers, started to type signing off, anyway, Christmas carols are already echoing in my room, thanks to Ashley!)